Police called to Last of the Summer Wine sex, drugs orgy.

Three senior citizens detained for "Smackin' bitches and hos up"
Three senior citizens detained for “Smackin’ bitches and hos up”

Members of the Yorkshire Constabulary had to call in riot support last night after an drunken orgy of sex, violence, drug taking and speeding down hills in a bath broke out amongst a group of senior citizens in the west Yorkshire town of Holmfirth.

The group, led by three individuals identified by their gang names Compo, Clegg and Foggy were dispersed with tear gas and repeated baton rounds after police intervened to break up a crack cocaine and prostitution ring run by three men known locally as “the triad of evil.” Foggy, the leader of the group, is ex-military and a criminal mastermind, with Compo his chief henchman and Clegg just along for the nice walk and the odd ho-slappin’.

The police authority has confirmed that some of the arresting officers sought psychological assistance after the arrests. “Seeing an 80 year old woman standing on a street corner in suspenders and high heels will do that to you. Especially when you see the zimmer frame.” An unnamed officer told us.