Diagnosis Murder: Killing the planet?

Progress was made at UN headquarters, New York, yesterday, when the organisation’s members agreed to a treaty to reduce the number of episodes of  Dick Van Dyke’s medical murder series “Diagnosis Murder”, phasing it out over a ten year period.

Addressing the assembly, Secretary General Ban-Ki Moon pointed out a fact previously known only to afternoon television viewers, that there are in fact four episodes of the gentle drama for every man woman and child on the planet. He also confirmed that production of the series, which also star’s Van Dyke’s son Barry as detective Steve Sloan, son of the show’s star, Dr. Mark Sloan, produces over 9% of total global energy emissions.

For years, conspiracy theorists have suggested on internet websites and elsewhere that a primary cause of the invasion of Iraq was the need to secure oil to produce the series.

UN sources have applauded the action, and compared it to the action taken following UN resolution 1687, which demanded an immediate end to the production of “Murder, She Wrote” This resolution was implemented in dramatic fashion only last year, when that show’s star, Angela Lansbury, was dramatically captured by a UN special forces team who stormed her secret underground facility. A large amount of weapons grade plutonium was also recovered, as was the missing US nuclear submarine, USS Tigerfish.