An Occasional Guide to Irish Politics: The Left Wing Nutjob.

Slogans not stuff!

Slogans not stuff!

Everything! Is written! With exclamation marks! His answer, and it’s nearly always a he, is that “the people” should take to the streets! That seems to be the answer to everything, as if the people standing on Molesworth Street can have a moral effect on drink driving rates. He’s big into the working class standing up for themselves, but don’t for the love of Marx, try to get him to define the working class, because you’ll make his nose (And possibly brain.)  bleed. Apparently a taxi driver isn’t, if he’s self employed, unless he comes from Jobstown, but a junior doctor is, unless he comes from Blackrock, or he studies hard and becomes a consultant, whereas he is then no longer working class, but if he opposes health cuts, then he is working class again. You think there’s be some sort of wallchart available, given out with the Socialist Worker. Maybe you could collect and swap stickers: ” I’ve two hardworking working class bin men, so I’ll swap you one for a fascist Anglo Irish plutocrat.”  

His greatest contempt is reserved not for those on the right, but his fellow travellers on the left. He’s much happier picketing the Labour Party than Fianna Fail, or denouncing the People’s Left Party for splitting from the Left People’s Party (Insert appropriate Life of Brian sketch here.) and given a choice between patiently implementing a policy that might reduce hardship on someone, or denouncing everyone else for not implementing a socialist republic immediately, he’ll happily go with the latter.  

It would be wonderful if we could cede a county or two to him to run, and put his socialist plans to the test, as we all look on, eating cornettos and nudging each other. Maybe Leitrim, where he could tax the rich and spend to his hearts content. Until the rich left, and the money ran out, and, of course, he doesn’t do cutbacks, so…how long would it be before he announces that the rich do not have a right to leave, and what is needed is some sort of wall…   

An Occasional Guide to Irish Politics: The West Brit Nutjob.

The truth is, images of the young Margaret Thatcher stirs something in his boxers.
The truth is, images of the young Margaret Thatcher stirs something in his boxers.

” We must join NATO immediately!” He declares, normally at a Fine Gael meeting, although its not his first political venue of choice. He had joined the PDs, and been aghast to discover that it was not, as he had expected, been the Donnybrook branch of the Tory party. Curiously, despite his odd accent, he’s no British ties at all, but instead fomed his opinions in school as a result of severe beatings from the local GAA heads who turned his head against all things deemed culturally Irish.

He reads British newspapers, and is far more interested in British politics than parochial Irish nonsense, and would be quite happy if we were to rejoin the UK, our “Natural home”. Somehow, he’s managed to get himself onto various British cultural mailing lists, to the extent that he gets invited to dos at the British Embassy, after which the ambassador, having spent twenty minutes listening to his gushing views on Britain, asks the resident MI5 spook to start running psychological profiles on all future guests, as he’s fed up talking to “mentalists”.

He’s no time for the EU, which upsets his tidy little plan, and spends a lot of time on British political websites ranting against the evils of Brussels and the Euro. He tends to be lauded on such sites, as proof that “Even the Irish can see what’s going on here!”

Then his mum makes him come down, have his tea, and finish his homework. 

Candidates I hope win.

First, my friend Averil Power. She’s in the wrong party, but she’s the real deal in terms of being someone who is in politics to do good. Incidentally, and I’m writing this in a personal capacity because I’m livid about it (and I suspect Averil will be mortified if she reads this, but it has to be said), she’s also been subject to a vicious campaign of abuse and moronic conspiracy theories from the usual gutless anonymous web warriors on account of whom she happened to fall in love with. I suspect that the great majority of them will never have a relationship vaguely close to what she and Fionnan have. But then, that’s hardly surprising, as I suspect that the closest most of them have come to romance involves a computer, one hand and their trousers around their ankles. Anyway, a Fianna Fail made up of people like her and Barry Andrews would be a Fianna Fail possibly worth keeping.

John McGuirk, in Cavan-Monaghan, is a political bruiser and to the right of me. But he’s serious about his politics and its power to change society, and an opinion worth having in the Dail, if only to shout at when he comes on the telly. Ditto Joe Higgins. This will probably be the only time both are mentioned in the same paragraph anywhere.

All the Green TDs. I’ve a post later today explaining why, but suffice to say, Irish politics will not be well served by their absence, in the same way the absence of the Progressive Democrats is denying voters a particular choice.

Ruairi Quinn, the voice of moderate reason in Labour and one of the only Labour people who does not look at people in business like he’s reaching for a wooden stake and a crucifix.

Victor Boyhan, the last PD, running in Dun Laoghaire, and one of the most decent people you will ever meet in politics.

Stephen Donnelly, running in Wicklow as an independent, and endorsed by people close to me whose opinions I trust greatly.

Finally, and I’m not endorsing him (not that he’d welcome an endorsement from the likes of me anyway!) Eoin O’Broin of Sinn Fein is a thoughtful guy, has a sense of humour and the ridiculous (very important for a politician)  and another fella worth having in the Dail if only to shout at.

It takes balls to put your name in front of the people. Good luck to them all on Friday.