The German people have announced that they are going away on holiday for a few months and will be out of contact for a while, an official source in Berlin announced yesterday. However, sources in Dublin, Athens and Lisbon have reported seeing Germany’s car still parked in the driveway, and also noted that the curtains are down. The Greek government confirmed that it did ring the doorbell for a good ten minutes without any response, but is pretty sure that it saw someone duck down behind the sofa when it peered through a slight gap in the curtains.
An unofficial source in Dublin confirmed that Irish premier Enda Kenny had climbed over the side gate on the pretext that he had “heard breaking glass and wanted to check for burglars because there had been a report of burglars in the area or something”. He reported that the curtains in the back are also pulled down, and was sure he heard a voice say “Did you lock the back door? That redheaded f**ker will be in here faster than you can say “just a few bob to tide me over” although he admitted it could have been a radio left on to deter burglars.
Germany’s neighbour, France, confirmed that Germany had gone away, but then stormed across the road to have another heated altercation with Libya over the state of their backyard. Libya was seen later that day with a black eye which he swore was self-inflicted.