Coming soon on Fox: Mike Steel (Played by 24’s Kiefer Sutherland) is a veteran FBI agent who plays by his own rules, wisecracking with his ex-wife whom he still loves and bringing up their precocious teenage daughter Lisa (played by Seventh Heaven’s Jessica Biel). Now he’s got a new partner: Jesus Christ (My Name is Earl’s Jason Lee), son of God, and together, they’re going to take on the terrorists and the drug-dealers!
Cut to scene:
Mike and Jesus are sitting in a car outside a crack house:
Mike: Right, back up’s too far away. We’re going in. You take the back, Jesus.
Jesus: Gotcha. The meek are going take these suckers down (pumps shotgun).
Cut to scene:
Mike’s forgotten to arrange food for his daughter’s birthday party:
Lisa (wearing a very skimpy bikini): Daddy, everyone’s so hungry!
Jesus enters the kitchen with a very small McDonald’s bag. The logo is clearly pointed at the camera.
Jesus: Filet o’ Fish, anyone?
Mike: Jesus, there are over 40 people at this party!
Jesus winks at Mike:
Jesus: Got it covered, man!
Lisa hugs Jesus.
Lisa: I love you, Jesus.
She puts her hand on Jesus’s well-developed chest, and gives him a knowing look.
Jesus: I love you too, Lisa.
Mike glares overs at Jesus, who gives Mike a “What?” grimace.
Cut to scene:
Mike is tied to a chair. The Devil (played by former Vice President Al Gore) is lecturing him.
The Devil: When I’m finished, same-sex marriage will be compulsory! And inter-racial! It’ll be traditional marriage that will be illegal!
Suddenly, the window shatters, and Jesus comes in, hits the ground, rolls, and comes up with his shotgun.
Jesus: Hey Satan! Climate change this!
Blows Satan away.
Jesus Christ, FBI. Only on Fox.