Jason OMahony - Irish political blogger, Irish politics, EU politics
 
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Fianna Fail to sue Fine Gael over copyright infringement.

Posted by Jason O on Nov 14, 2011 in Irish Politics, Not quite serious.

Fianna Fail have instructed its lawyers to begin legal proceedings against Fine Gael on the grounds that Fine Gael is actually implementing patented Fianna Fail policies in government. “It’s a disgrace,” a Fianna Fail spokesperson told our reporter as he rooted through a bin for his lunch. “We got clobbered in the election because our product was toxic, and now these guys are actually selling the exact same product. Surely we should get some sort of cut, like a few appointments to the fisheries board or a VEC? I mean, we haven’t got an arse in our trousers at the moment and now these guys are stealing the policies straight out of our mouths? Look at that, someone’s thrown out half a Subway roll! I’ll have that for me tea! And I bet those runners will fit Micheal! And look: a cardboard box with hardly any wee stains on it at all. That’ll make a magic press office!”  

 
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French, German Secret Services to launch combined assault on selected bond traders.

Posted by Jason O on Nov 14, 2011 in European Union, Not quite serious.

I wouldn't press that "Sell" button if I were you, Monsieur.

I wouldn't press that "Sell" button if I were you, Monsieur.

A document leaked to us by a secret source has revealed that the French DGSE and the German BND have assembled a series of secret teams to “deal” with stroppy dealers targeting Eurozone countries.

Under the codename Operation Gekko, the task force is currently getting ready to make a number of traders “disappear” as a warning to other traders about over pricing bonds to Eurozone countries. The document also suggests that a Eurozone version of Guantanamo Bay has been set up in Northern Finland to hold the detainees, where they’ll be fed a diet of organic vegetables and tofu and made watch the films of Michael Moore and Jean Luc Goddard.

The Champs Elysee has declined to comment other than to say “You want to know what the secret service are up to? What are you asking us for? Ask them. And tell us what they say. Actually, if it’s about blowing up stuff, or sinking ships, better not.” A source in the Bundeskanzler’s office in Berlin said: “There is no such operation, and such an operation would not use three environmentally sound low emission  helicopters nor would it have purchased a thousand square miles of Swedish forestry to make up for the carbon footprint it didn’t generate.”

 

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