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Alien invasion of Earth cancelled due to economic crisis.

Posted by Jason O on Nov 5, 2011 in Not quite serious. |

Alien Invaders fear the bond markets.

Alien Invaders fear the bond markets.

The Imperial Vorgon Empire has announced that it has shelved the planned military conquest of the planet Earth due to the economic crisis. A Vorgon High Command spokeswarrior, Commander Klakk, revealed the decision following the latest news from Greece.
“We reckoned that we could have had a fair chance with the Earth’s military forces. Your nuclear weapons and fighter aircraft would have been crushed like ants. But we weren’t so sure about dealing with Italian bond yields.” Speaking from the flagship BoneGrinder, Klakk continued: “Our war ministry was ready to take out NATO headquarters, the Pentagon and the Chinese Central Military Commission in the first hours of the glorious conflict. But then the economics ministry started talking about the effect on our currency, the Vorg, and whether we could afford to take on Earth’s debt. The galactic bond markets started having doubts, talking about contagion, and before you knew it the Imperial Planet Devastator Fleet was ordered to halt in mid-space. Then someone saw something on Bloomberg about Bernanke projecting low job growth, and the whole thing was scrubbed. We’re thinking about invading Skaro instead. You have to give the Daleks that. They run a tight fiscal ship. Or the Vulcans, they run a budget surplus as a matter of course. Safest home for capital in the galaxy. Not counting Switzerland, of course.”

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