Internet retailer Amazon.com has announced today that it intends to launch a new version of its Kindle eBook reader which will be programmed to prevent readers from reading material not deemed to be family values orientated.
The new eReader, to be called the Kindle PietE, is being launched next week by the company following concerns by family values groups that they were afraid that their members were being suspected of reading adult erotica such as the best-selling “Fifty Shades of Grey” instead of their bibles or books by whichever angry blonde Fox News anchorette has a book out attacking other Americans for believing in the Bill of Rights.
The eReader will have a glowing crucifix on its front cover, and will be hardwired to deny the reader access to anything deemed adult material, with French words in it, or anything that uses the words “Obama” not accompanied with “Kenyan”, “Muslim” or “Socialist Death Camps”. The words “dinosaur”, “Darwin” and “newspaper” are also on the Blocked list.
The company is said to be delighted with the number of pre-orders it has received. They have also expressed delight at pre-orders for a different version called the PietE Plus, which comes with the glowing crucifix on the cover but is actually pre-loaded with over 100 gay erotica books. Amazon have admitted that they have had to increase the workforce in the depots located in southern states to keep up with the demand.