Jason OMahony - Irish political blogger, Irish politics, EU politics
 

An Occasional Guide to Irish politics: Canvasser’s Bingo.

It has to be done. It is next to impossible to get elected to anything in Ireland unless the voters get a look at you like a prize nag at a mart, or at least get asked for a vote by one of your team. Personally. Having said that, there’s still a fair chance you’ll get the following on the doorstep:

1. I’m watching the rugby/hurling/soccer!

2. Not interested! *Door slams revealing pig ignorance of person in house*

3. I’m putting the child to bed!

4. Comes out of house two doors after missing you, and tries to make a big show of tearing up your leaflet and putting it in the recycling bin. The sharp canvasser his turns back before tearing starts, pretending not to see, turning back just as bin lid closes and issues a cheery “Hello!” to the grumpy amateur dramatist.

5. Says they won’t be voting for you, but is polite about it. You’d almost vote for them. One of the great mysteries to non-politicians: meeting a person who politely disagrees with you is not a bad thing.

6. Appoints themselves spokesperson for the entire street/estate and informs you that there are no votes for you here. Tell them that you’ve gotten a great response so far, and that maybe it’s “your fella” who should be worried, as they’re invariably a hack for the Shinners or the Alphabet Left who are great men altogether for the self-appointing.

7. The aul fella who is delighted to be talking to anyone. Spend the time. There’s only a single vote in it, but if you think talking to a lonely man for a few minutes is a bad use of your time you’ve no business being in politics.

8. The householder who is obviously so wealthy that they should be kind of embarrassed complaining to you about anything.

9. And, for 1000 points, the voter who complains that they never see any politicians, as you’re standing on their door.

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