An Occasional Guide to Irish Politics: The Homophobe.

He starts by stressing that he’s nothing against gays. He has to say this, because whilst he does have a problem with gays he knows that saying it in public puts him beyond the fringe. No, what he’s against is the “radical homosexual agenda (RHA)”.

By that he means the “perversion” of marriage and children. Interestingly, he seems to have difficulty seperating paedophiles from homosexuals, and has latched onto children as the barrier at which the RHA must be stopped. ” God help the children walking in on daddy pumping daddy in the bum!*” he declares. Where he got the idea that  gay parents desire to have sex in front of their children is anyone’s guess. Maybe his parents regularly had sex in front of him. He’s at his best describing, in lurid detail, images of animalistic coupling and “men obsessed with other men’s back passages*” with the vigour of a man who savours it just a little too much.

Late at night, when the wife is at her meeting of the John Charles McQuaid sub-committee for the saving of souls, he’s lingering on websites with titles like “Hot Boys” as beads of sweat form along his hairline, face glowing red with a mixture of shame and excitement, terrified that in the right circumstances, at the right time, with the right man, he just might.

*Lifted these paraphrased choice quotes from a well-known political discussion board, and RTE’s Q&A during the decriminalisation of homosexuality debate.

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