An Occasional Guide to Irish Politics: The Labour Zealot.

These boots are made for governin'She’s always been a supporter of “wimmins” issues, whether it was Mary Robinson, Ivana Bacik or the morning-after pill, and always referred to people running committee as pieces of furniture, but of late, she’s become impossible. Ever since Labour started doing well in the opinion polls, she’s gone into overdrive. Of course, it’s not helped by the fact that her tall, lithe and blonde figure, wrapped up in that “air” they seem to issue down the Law Library, gives her a natural dominance anyway, but the moral certainty really is the last straw. Eamonn Gilmore WILL be the next Taoiseach, Ireland WILL have its first progressive Labour government, and anyone who says different is either a simpleton or else a fascist enemy of the people.

After all, she doesn’t really know anyone who doesn’t vote Labour. Everyone on her Ranelagh mews certainly does, and down the Law Library there are of course FFers who want to be judges, which sickens her. Imagine being in a party just for preferment? Of course, if Taoiseach Gilmore offers her a judicial position that’s different: That would be reforming the phallocentric judiciary.

If Labour fail to break through that’ll be it: She’ll be off to the London bar and to join the Harriet Harman wing of a proper Labour party, where she’ll be shocked to discover that because she’s never had a lesbian affair with a one-legged Jamaican public sector worker, wears high heels and Chanel no.5, she’s regarded as a Tory blow-in. Or worse still, a Liberal Democrat.

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