A spokesperson for the Irish Anti-War Movement (IAWM) has condemned the combined NATO counterattack on the Martian War Fleet that attacked major cities worldwide last week. “This is just typical of the racist imperialist western war machine. A few million immigrants arrive on Earth in their walking battle pods with their own custom of eating humans, and the west immediately starts bombing them. Typical!” Speaking from their bunker under the ruins of central Dublin, a joint meeting of the IAWM and the Peace and Neutrality Alliance (PANA) called immediately from President Obama to be put on trial in front of a Martian War Crimes Tribunal, on the basis that “The Americans started this war by sending the Viking probe to Mars in the 1970s, and plotting to steal Mars resources, such as their sand and, eh, Mars bars” The Irish government has said that it asserts Ireland’s neutrality during the conflict, and will be objecting “in the strongest possible terms” to the building by the Martians of a breeding facility in Mullingar to use Irish women as vassals for Martian warriors. “On a positive note,”a government spokesperson said from the Irish Government bunker in the Alps, “At least the aliens are not permitting abortions. Nor have they made any move to interfere with our 12.5% corporate tax rate. So it’s not all bad news”
Army intelligence, recently decoding Martian transmissions, have suggested that given that the NATO/Russian/Chinese/Japanese counter-attack seems to be on the verge of defeating the invaders, the Martian High Command have requested that the Irish Government “bail out” the invasion costs, as the Martians cannot now afford to get their highly toxic weaponry off the planet. They have proposed a National Agency for Martian Aid (NAMA). The Taoiseach, Mr. Kenny, just back from flying another fighter sortie against the Martians, said that he would consider it, stating that “The Martians have obviously recognised the Irish propensity for funding all sort of crazy shit. Of course, they will have to take Seanie Fitz and Fingers with them, that’ll be my red line”
Michael Martin has called for an end to “Punch and Judy” politics. Former Taoiseach Bertie Ahern is quoted as saying “There was no Martian invasion when I was Taoiseach”.