Bank refuses mortgage because house is “too close to Earth’s Sun.”

You can't have a mortgage because it's, eh, raining.

You can't have a mortgage because it's, eh, raining.

The Financial Regulator, Mr. Matthew Elderfield, has launched an investigation into the provision of mortgages by Irish banks after a number of complaints were lodged by mortgage seekers. An unnamed source remarked: “A citizen complained that one bank refused approval because the house did not have “solar shielding, like in that film with Cillian Murphy about the spaceship that went to the Sun.” The Banks are running ads saying that they are providing mortgages, presumably to reassure the public who have baled them out. Yet people who are approved for mortgages are finding that the banks are using spurious reasons to deny final approval despite agreeing to nominal approval.”

Some customers have complained about bank’s refusing on the grounds that “the concentration of oxygen in the house is a fire risk” and that “gravity inside the property exceeds EU standards.” Other houses have been refused funds because “the feng shui is all wrong”, “Jupiter isn’t in line with Aquarius” and “the house feels kind of yocky.”

A spokesperson for the banks has denied the allegations, stating that the reasons given were no more fantastic than the reasons used for normal banking practices such as justifying loans to directors.   

2 thoughts on “Bank refuses mortgage because house is “too close to Earth’s Sun.”

  1. I’m heard of people with fat wampum deposits being turned down because their income after deducting tax, the mortgage repayments, household bills etc wouldn’t allow them to fund a reasonable family drug habit.

  2. Anyone who is buying residential property at current prices is ill-advised, and should not, absent special circumstances, be given credit for the purchase.

    The lenders, for various reasons, cannot speak this truth openly. They deserve sympathy on this account, if not on most others.

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