Memo from The Director of Corporate Enforcement to An Taoiseach.
With regard to my request for additional funding for investigating Anglo Irish Bank I’ve included a breakdown as to where the money will be going:
1. A Rack. We can pick up one cheap from Madame Tussaud’s where they’re remodelling the chamber of horrors. €10,000.
2. Branding Irons. I feel that the sound of banker arse sizzling will do wonders for the nation’s morale. On top of that, one can not underestimate the deterrent power of seeking ODCE branded on a fellow’s banker’s buttock down at the gym. Can get second hand from Iraq. €2,000.
3. 200 copies of “Waterboarding for Dummies” Secondhand from Guantanamao Bay. €1,000.
4. A car battery, a bowl of water, a pair of rubber gloves, some jump leads and a roll of industrial tape. One of the lads got a “24” boxset for Christmas and this looks like a bit of gas.
We’ve spoken to the civil liberties people,and when we told them who was “assisting us with our inquiries” they told us to knock ourselves out. We’ll let you know how we get on!
All the best,
The gang at Corporate Enforcement.