An Garda Siochana have issued a public appeal to locate a large number of people who seemed to have gone missing since October 2013.
A spokesperson in Garda Headquarters said: “We started receiving queries from general members of the public from late October. The missing people had been very high profile, speaking in public, all making the same remark: that a No vote in the Seanad referendum would definitely lead to Seanad reform. Then, as soon as the vote was held, they vanished! We have found some, meeting in backrooms of hotels endlessly discussing the perfect upper house, when they’re not on their way to yet another summer school to engage in various acts of political self-pleasuring. “
However, the affair took a dark turn. “In our investigations, we started discovering strange things. People who in October were adamant that Seanad reform would occur were now suddenly denying they even supported it, or thought it was important at all. Some were saying that they were perfectly happy with the Seanad as is, even though we have footage of them arguing passionately for Seanad reform. The FBI had warned us about this. Shapeshifting aliens who replace the original person, and are an exact physical copy.”
“They even sent an agent to assist us. He did a study of the entire Dail, studying what they TDs said three years ago and what they say now, and told us that the entire Irish political system is occupied by shapeshifter aliens.”
“The only other explanation,” the FBI agent said, “is that your entire political system is made of people who believe in absolutely nothing other than saying whatever is necessary to get into power. And that’s impossible, because the voters would have noticed, and wouldn’t put up with that. Voters are smarter than that.”