A leading Irish bank has announced that in order to restore confidence they have brought in a new chairperson completely untainted by contact with Irish business.

Chuckles will take over the key investment decisions of the bank by throwing darts at a wall, or failing that, his own faeces.

A source in the bank said: ” It might work. Where’s the harm trying? Worst case scenario, we’ll be up to our necks in monkey shit, but it’ll still be worth more than our shares. Unlike the last one, at least this monkey is cheap.”