The United States National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) has today announced that its scientists have discovered a time/space anomaly that appears to be centred around an area of central Dublin, Ireland. Addressing a large press conference, NASA scientists stated:
“We became aware of the fact that time seemed to move much slower in one particular part of Earth than anywhere else. Ordinary things that take months in other places, like parliamentary investigations, reforming politics or investigations into corruption, seem to take years in Ireland. We couldn’t explain it, nor indeed could the Irish government, so we began to look into it, and it seems to be some sort of timewarp, a vortex if you will, actually sucking time through it. This has the bizarre effect of making time move much slower around certain parts of Dublin, such as the Kildare Street area and also the Dublin Castle area. There have also been localised outbreaks around Garda Headquarters and the DPP’s office, interestingly.”
Sources within the Irish government have expressed relief at the discovery. “Thank Christ for that. We thought we were just idiots who couldn’t do anything right.”
A further possibility, that a seperate anomaly was speeding up time particularly around the headquarters of AIB and the Bank of Ireland, causing both institutions to lose money at an extraordinary rate, was dismissed by NASA.
“No. They’re just shit at banking, and really good at spending other people’s money in jig time.” Sources told us.