National euphoria as gap between rich and poor ends with departure of last rich person.

Assorted NGOs, trades unions and left-wing political leaders were celebrating last night as the last businessman left Ireland for the UK. “This is truly a special day for those of us who want to build an Ireland of equals.” Sebastian Fuxby-Bidlington, chair of People Before Everything, told the media.”There are no more millionaires in Ireland, which means that the gap between rich and poor has now narrowed to its closest since the 1970s.”

Sean Beard, head of ICTU, echoed the remarks.”The highest paid workers in the country are now public sector workers, working in the people’s businesses for the people.” Beard pledged that the public sector would now expand rapidly to absorb all the unemployed from the now non-existent private sector. When asked as to how the state would fund the additional¬†cost, Beard pointed out that the profits from the public sector would “fill the state’s coffers to bursting”.¬†When challenged as to how a public sector, with a very well paid workforce, could make a profit without passing on high prices to the public, Beard reassured the media that the point of having a state owned enterprise would be that it would sell its goods and services at “a fair price”, and that the state would subsidise the prices to the public to keep them “fair”.

Beard was then asked how the subsidy would be funded. “By taxing the rich.” He remarked curtly.

But weren’t the rich now the workers in the enterprise being subsidised? The government was going to increase taxes on state employees to fund the salaries of state employees?

The press conference broke up in acrimony, with Sebastian Fuxby-Bidlington condemning businessmen for not staying in Ireland to be taxed for trying to exploit the ordinary working people of Ireland by staying in Ireland.

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