The government has announced, as part of its cost cutting programme, that opposition members of the Oireachtas are to be abolished and replaced with a free downloadable iPhone app. Speaking to the house, Michael Noonan, the minister for finance, revealed plans for the opposition parties to be replaced with a piece of software which can criticise the government.
“Let’s be honest. We can set this up in such a way that it can read online news about the government, compare it to manifestos, and then just pump out any of a 150 tried and tested slogans. Isn’t that pretty much what the opposition do, at a cost of €90,000 a skull? For a very modest development fee, probably the cost of a single TD, we can create an app which will put things on the Dail record like “this is a betrayal of the people of county X” and “the people of the Y sector are amongst the most vulnerable in the country”. You’d hardly be able to spot the difference.”
On being questioned by journalists about how an app can subtly study proposed legislation and come up with thoughtful improving amendments, the minister was puzzled. “We’re talking about replacing the opposition. Who are you talking about?”
The minister denied rumours that there was a proposal to replace the Taoiseach with an advanced piece of software that exceeded his abilities. “Yeah, we looked at that, but we came to the conclusion that the Irish people might be a bit irritated to be ruled over by a game of Tetris.”