There now follows an announcement from the British Organisation of Nationally known Celebrities (BONC):
We live in difficult times. Businesses are closing, people are losing their jobs and homes, and families are struggling. In these challenging days, please spare a moment for the plight of a group of people whose suffering is not appreciated the way it should be.
Celebrity millionaires. As you are reading this statement, there are hundreds of millionaire celebrities sitting in their mansions in Essex going without a spot on a national talent show, or a show on a cable channel with “celeb” in the title. Some are just barely managing to eek out a public profile in ads for cosmetic products or downmarket supermarkets. Many are reduced to spending hours dressing up to go down to Iceland, getting a family friend to take pictures on their iPhone and sending it into the tabloids in the hope that they might get a fleeting mention.
It puts huge pressure on their families too:
“(name deleted) was devastated when she was no longer on a major national TV show. I tried to tell her that things aren’t so bad, she’s got five million in the bank, but there was no consoling her. She even went back to her adulterous husband, which got her back in the papers, I suppose. Hopefully he’ll smack her around a bit. Then she can be The Nation’s Victim again!”
So please, whilst you’re worrying about putting food in front of your children, or paying the mortgage or the gas or electricity, have a thought about people worse off than you. The 3am girls have never written about you. You’ve never had the opportunity to be outraged when The News of the World hacked your phone. You’ve never been photographed wearing a less than fashionable dress to a Harry Potter premiere.
With all due respect, you don’t know suffering the way celebrity millionaires do.