Prince Harry to marry “a real slapper” to ensure demographic representation.

Harry: Looking for a very common commoner.

Harry: Looking for a very common commoner.

Buckingham Palace has confirmed that plans are already being drawn up to ensure that second in line to the throne (or spare king) prince Harry marries a woman from a demographic not already represented by Princess Catherine.

A source said: “Let’s be honest. Kate’s the sort of pretty without being a supermodel nice girl that most families would be delighted to see their sons bring home. Unfortunately, there’s a whole chunk of British society that can’t identify with that. So the palace feels that Harry needs to reach out and find someone from that other section of society. Ideally, the sort of girl who glows orange on camera, can be found unconscious on the pavement outside an Essex nightclub at 4am, or has had her genitalia seen by at least a dozen complete strangers. And if she’s been photographed being groped by a professional footballer, why that’s a bonus!”

Prince Harry has told friends that it is his duty to co-operate with the plan, codenamed Operation Bit-of-Rough. He’s quoted as saying “If the protection of the monarchy involves me being involved in three-in-a-bed sessions with Page 3 girls and stars of Celebrity Vajazzlers, so be it. I am, after all, a patriot. Now, where’s that Paki with my coffee?”

Palace sources also pointed out that even if he were to marry “a bit of strange” it wouldn’t stop him from having a affair with someone from his own class. “After all, it didn’t stop his father. Either of them”

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