Jason OMahony - Irish political blogger, Irish politics, EU politics
 

Republicans demand that US Ebola victims only be cured of Ebola.

Posted by Jason O on Oct 2, 2014 in Not quite serious., US Politics |

Rick PerryThe leadership of the US Republican Party has warned the Obama administration that it will not tolerate the recent potential outbreak of Ebola in Texas being used as an excuse to promote “socialist” medicine.

“We know how this works. The president and his communist cronies, after finishing their daily prayers to Allah, will tell federal medical officials to not only treat possible infected people for the Ebola virus, but any other illnesses they might have acquired previous to catching the virus,” J. McAdoo McAdoo III, the RNC spokesman, told reporters. “Suddenly, ordinary Americans who had been getting through life with untreated ailments get a little dose of Ebola and then socialism is the answer to everything. It’s very simple, you can go through life with an all-American open and weeping sore oozing puss, like our daddies did during the war, or you can find Big Government leaving you fit as a fiddle like some sort of Frenchman. Hell no!”

Texas governor Rick Perry has taken the lead on the matter. “I understand from medical advice that it is not really possible to treat Ebola and not cure other pre-existing illnesses. Now, before good God-fearing folk think I’ve turned into some sort of atheist homosexual or scientist, let me assure them that I have consulted scripture on this. That is why I have instructed the Texas Department of Health, having cured these people of Ebola, to inject them with a good old fashioned plague of the sort mentioned in the Bible. Then let them get that treated in any one of the many fine private sector medical practices available in this great state.”

President Obama responded to the GOP leadership by loudly banging his head repeatedly  on his desk in the Oval Office.

2 Comments

Jake
Oct 2, 2014 at 11:36 pm

Better than the Borowitz Report!


 
Jason O
Oct 3, 2014 at 4:50 am

That’s high praise indeed! Thank you kindly.


 

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