Jason OMahony - Irish political blogger, Irish politics, EU politics

Ryanair to make customers fight giant lizard, jump through ring of fire, to board plane.

Posted by Jason O on Jul 14, 2010 in Not quite serious. |

The Lizards are also expected to boost lottery sales onboard as well.

The Lizards are also expected to boost lottery sales onboard as well.

Budget airline Ryanair have announced new procedures for passengers from today, which will involve passengers wrestling with a six foot lizard, leaping through a ring of fire, and disarming an explosive device by cutting the correctly coloured wire. The company denied that this was part of a cost cutting exercise. “No, this is a morale thing. Whilst our staff are still amused by watching people play the Squeeze-the-bag-in-the-metal-frame-get-in-ya-little-bo**ix-Maura-what-the-hell-did-you-pack-in-this-effin-thing-anyway-mother-of-Jesus-we’re-only-staying-with-your-sister-for-the-one-night game, they were getting bored, so we decided to up the ante a bit.”

Ryanair CEO Michael O’Leary pointed out that passengers “were getting their f**king tickets for next to nothing anyway, so where’s the harm? Sure a lot of them could do with the exercise, and as well as that, we’re providing employment for lizards who’d only end up as some fat one’s handbag anyway.”   


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