The United States Secret Service has confirmed the arrest and detention of two Georgia cousins, Bo and Luke Duke, on charges of plotting to murder President Obama. The men, both with criminal records in their native Hazzard county, were known locally as right wing racists, and had been charged with speeding through largely black neighbourhoods with a confederate flag painted on their car (Named after the slavery defending general Robert E. Lee.) and honking their musical horn, shouting the confederate battle cry “Yee-ha!” out the window. Secret Service agents also recovered bows, arrows and dynamite in their car, which they believed were to be used to attack the first family when they visited Georgia.
The Secret Service extended their thanks to local law enforcement, in particular local sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane and County Commissioner J.D. Hogg, who said that “We don’t want that kind of racist scum ’round here, ain’t that right, Roscoe?” Sheriff Coltrane agreed wholeheartedly.
Daisy Duke, a cousin of the detained Duke brothers, was also arrested for prostitution, during which she screamed racist expletives at an African-American federal agent.
A local resident and garage owner, Cooter, pointed out that “Whilst the Duke boys never went lookin’ for trouble, trouble sure had a way of findin’ them, ‘specially with a coon in the White House.” Cooter was later gunned down in a joint FBI/ATF raid investigating the supply of weapons to a White Aryan terrorist group.