Sketch: Some News.

A house in Dublin 4.

Stephen:     Mum, Dad, can you both sit down for a minute? Mum, can you put down that Irish                           Times crossword. I have to tell you something.

Mum:          Is it important Stephen, I really have to meet Susan about that Ivana Bacik                                        fundraiser.

Stephen:    Please, it won’t take a moment, it’s very important.

Dad:            Go ahead son.

Stephen:    Mum, Dad, I’ve wanted to tell you this for so long, but I…

Dad:            Take your time son.

Mum:          Stephen, you’re frightening us, are you ill?

Stephen:    I’m…well, I’m not gay.

Mum:          What?

Dad:            Oh God, not us.

Stephen:    I’m sorry, I’ve thought long and hard, I thought I might have been, but I’m not.

Mum:         I think I’m going to be sick! What will the neighbours say? I was only talking to                              David Norris at that Abbey fundraiser last week. How can you do this to us?

Dad:           Sophie, please…are you sure, son, are you sure you’re not confused, I mean you’re                       only nineteen, you’re still experiencing new things. I mean, what about Robert, you                     both seemed so happy together.

Stephen:   Yeah, I know, I really tried, but then Rebecca and I…

Mum:         Rebecca, that girl who you brought home last Easter? I thought she was just a                               friend?

Stephen:   And she was, but we got closer, and, actually, last easter…

Mum:        That hussy seduced you, that’s what she did. Don’t tell me that hussy seduced you                        in this house! This house, where Mary Robinson held her very first fundraiser! You                      have brought nothing but shame…

Dad:          Sophie, please! You’re not without blame here! Who bought him that 24 boxset                              when he was eleven? You wouldn’t let me buy him that Barbara Streisand                                     collection. And you kept that Bette Midler CD collection for yourself! Look son, what                   ever happens, we both love you, no matter what way you want to live your life.

Stephen:  Thanks Dad. There is one other thing.

Dad:          What is it, son?

Stephen:   I’ve joined Fianna Fail.

Dad:           Sophie, where’s my shotgun?

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