I was talking to someone recently about what short message each party will be pushing in next year’s election, going on what we know as of today. This is what we came up with.
Fine Gael: Stability, business, cut taxes, keep the Shinners out. Political reform is the exact same system FF had but with us in it.
Labour: We have absolutely no idea why you people aren’t cheering us from the rafters. As I said to Jennings, my under-butler, yesterday…
Fianna Fail: We’re much nicer than we used to be. Look, we have gays and Averil Power and everything. We’re not Fine Gael. We’ll give you money! Please! (sob!) We’ll do anything. (Unbuckles belt). For Jesus sake I’ve a mortgage!
Sinn Fein: We’ll take money off people you don’t know and give it to you. Brits Out? Lock up your daughters, eh! (tone turns menacing, glint in eye freezes over)
Greens: Polar bears?
Renua: So far, words like enterprise and dignity. And abortion hangs about in the background.
Alphabet Left: Slogan! Anger! Fury! Slogan! Indignation, etc.
Independents: Amazingly, I realised the party system was corrupt on the exact same night I lost a selection convention for FF/FG. What were the chances?