Dear Lads and Lassies,
We’re getting a lot of stick from the punters, and so we’re going to have to phase out some of the little “Something For The Weekends” we’ve set up for ourselves over the years.
The Parliamentary Research Assistant grant will now only be awarded to PRAs who can actually read and write. Pointing at the 2:30 in Punchestown in The Racing Post will no longer be regarded as passing the literacy test.
Constituency offices must now actually be in the constituency. We would remind members that at this moment in time there is not a single apartment block in either Bulgaria or Croatia that is part of any Dail constituency. This rule does obviously not apply to Seanad constituencies.
The postal allowance must be used for communicating with constituents. Using it “to visit holidaying constituents” in Malaga and Gran Canaria is frowned upon.
The library is for researching legislation (Just ask your whip what that hard word means) and that racy periodicals such as “Big n’ Busty” and the Sunday Independent are not regarded as appropriate material for reading in the Oireachtas.
The meals allowance is for use of members during the parliamentary week. I would like to remind members that “the youngest’s wedding to a lovely fella from Castlebar” is not a parliamentary event, and as such food at said event should not be funded by the taxpayer.
Members will have to make do on their €105k salaries as best they can. I have asked Aldi to deliver their new flyers here every Tuesday.
Big Bull John