“It is with a great heaviness of heart that I feel I have no alternative but to call for the resignation of the man I hoped might appoint me a junior minister at some stage and now it looks like we’re totally flutered if I don’t say something so I’ll say it. The Taoiseach should resign. I have given this serious consideration, and conferred with my family, including our youngest who looked me clear in the eye and asked “Who is this man, mammy?” Let me be very clear: It is not true that I happily voted for whatever nonsense the party leader put in front of me for the last three and a half years and now that the chips are down and I’ve a better chance getting elected as a member of the Gary Glitter Party. Each one of those votes was arrived at by a careful consideration of what was in the best interests of the people who would be best served by my being named minister of state with special responsibility for badger conservation or the black babies or something. Even though that did not happen, I stood ready to serve, preparing myself for the role by nodding sagely at whatever the Taoiseach happened to be saying about whatever that stuff is he talks about in the chamber. Let me also say that I have been accused of speaking against the closure of St. Furiousbridget’s in my constituency, voting to close it, and then going on a march to keep it open. If anything, this merely goes to show how broadminded a person I am, as indeed does the fact that I held off lifting a finger against the Taoiseach until I got word that that drunken, womanising whoremonger, sorry, my party running mate, was about to attack the Taoiseach in the Feckerstown Gazette tomorrow morning. Never let it be said I did not give the man a chance to repent his ways.”