What if…terrorists targeted the mega wealthy?

The assassination of The Richest Man In The World™ (TRM) was the biggest story in the world. The clip of a bullet passing through his skull, caught on a bystander’s phone as he exited a building in San Francisco, instantly became one of the defining images of the 21st century. He was dead before he hit the ground. Interestingly, it was not even to be the most startling event of the day.

That came exactly two hours later, when a handsome AI generated man in a video took credit for the murder. He informed the rapidly increasing number of viewers that an email containing information about the murder had been sent directly to the FBI and would confirm his claim to be the voice of the assassins.

He then introduced himself as George, after “another great revolutionary” and said that he spoke for The 99, an organization dedicated to addressing the wealth imbalance between the mega wealthy and everyone else. He stressed that he was neither on the far right or far left, and that this was not an ideological matter. This was a simple matter of wealth transfer. The murder of TRM, he said, was a statement of intent, a proof of concept as to their seriousness. But no one else need die.

He then published a list of the world’s 200 richest individuals, and offered a deal. If they transferred 10% of their wealth to a stated list of popular banks and micro finance charities across the world, and ordered that the money be distributed equally among every account holder with less than $1000 in their account, they would be safe for one year. As would their families.

George finished by saying that they would act again soon if the individuals did not respond within 72 hours.

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An Occasional Guide to Irish Politics: The Naysayers.

Repost: It’s a hard wired genetic response, whether it is to exploiting natural resources offshore or fracking or even postcodes. A section of the country just can’t help itself, and comes out in opposition to everything. There is even a standard pattern:

1. A proposal is made by a company or body. The benefits in terms of revenue or employment tend to be so over-hyped as to trigger scepticism everywhere, even amongst people in favour of the project. Why do we have to oversell everything?

2. In the area concerned, muttering starts, normally led by a local nut who votes No in every referendum and disconcertingly mentions the Bilderberg Group and fluoride in every conversation. But he’s retired with time on his hands and is a wiz with mail merge, having the database from previous local campaigns such as “Stop Dublin stealing our clouds!” and “No to WiFi near St. Enda’s. There are children there for God’s sake!”

3. The usual malcontents, Sebastian from South Dublin, furious with Daddy for running away with Olga from Olgastan and making Mummy cry and tell them that “they have to be the man of the house now” after a bottle of Tia Maria during Murder She Wrote, arrive to “smash capitalism” (Daddy was a capitalist) and stand up for the “ordinary people” in the area.

4. The local opposition TDs and councillors start calling for an independent public inquiry because that’s what they always call for, and it’s not like they have to fund it out of their expenses, is it?

5. The planning process gets bogged down in court injunctions and walkouts and demands for a tribunal into the planning process. Vague allegations of corruption are applauded by the usual paranoid mob. The integrity of the process hinges entirely on whether it agrees with the No side.

6. Planning permission is granted. It is appealed to An Bord Plenala. They approve it. It is appealed to the High Court, then the Supreme Court, then the European Court. Judicial corruption is alleged every step of the way. Huge legal bills are run up by the protesters who then complain of being economically ruined by huge legal bills they ran up travelling through a legal system they “knew” to be corrupt in the first place.

7. The opposition wins the general election, and sets up a public inquiry because it has nothing better to do. The opponents of the project do not contest the election declaring the political process corrupt and “exclusionary to ordinary people”. You know, like voters. On polling day a group of young protesters meet to beam positive energy at the ballot boxes as they are carried out by the Guards.

8. The public inquiry approves the project. The protesters accuse it of being corrupt, and announce a campaign of civil disobedience, which seems to involve a lot of interpretive dance and giant Macnas style heads. One protester sprains his wrist when a giant Che Guevara head falls on him. He sues the state for not banning giant heads of South American communists.

9. The project starts with much civil disobedience, delaying the project’s completion by years. When it is completed, and starts providing tax revenue to the state much later than planned because of the delays, the people who delayed it are first in the queue with demands as to how the money should be spent.

10. 20 years later, when the project is no longer viable, the people who originally opposed it demand it be subsidised by the state as a vital contribution to the local economy.

An Occasional Guide to Irish Politics: The See-Nothing Party Man.

He’s not personally corrupt. Oh, he’s sat down with developers and followed up their queries with planners, but he does that for ordinary punters too. Nothing wrong with asking a legitimate question for a constituent, as long as you don’t try to get the planner to do anything wrong, and he doesn’t.

Elected to the council after the carry-on of the 1980s and 1990s, he doesn’t get approached for “favours”. He’s the new breed of the party’s councillor who wrinkles his nose at reading about yet another former party elected rep being done for corruption.

Yet don’t ask him to fight corruption. Don’t ask him to report anything he thinks is dodgy, and he sees enough of it, to the Guards or anyone else, because that’s just not done. He’s been known to turn on his heel walking into a toilet at the the council, when he sees a colleague receiving “papers” from a developer just before a vote.

In fact, that’s the thing. He actually spends time trying to avoid learning about corruption, because he can’t report what he doesn’t know.

What if…Ireland abolished the Dole?

USSR Soviet Russia Vintage Poster In the name of peace Classic Canvas ...

It was Ireland’s first left-led government that carried out the dirty deed.

To be fair to them, they hadn’t exactly abolished Employment Assistance as much as suspended it during a time of near full employment, and it had been the heretofore socialist minister for housing who had first concluded there was no alternative.
“Here’s the reality,” he told his cabinet colleagues.
“We are in a national housing emergency. We desperately need to boost housing supply. We have the funds, we have the land on which to build. What we don’t have are physical builders. Plumbers, bricklayers, plasters, electricians. Nor can we import them from the rest of Europe because there is nowhere for those workers to live. On top of that, we are losing existing indigenous construction skills to the Von Der Leyen Plan and the rebuilding of Ukraine. In short, we must create more construction skilled people from the existing population. We have successfully recruited from immigrants and we have created large apprenticeships and training programs to meet our needs. What we don’t have are willing bodies. We do, however, have 116,000 on the live register who say they are available for work.”

“You’re suggesting we force people to build houses?” another minister asked incredulously.

The housing minister shrugged.

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An Occasional Guide to Irish Politics: The salary scandal.

A bank employee counts Euro notes at Kasikornbank in Bangkok

1. An individual in a public/NGO organisation is discovered to be on a Lotto style pay package.

2. Organisation initially tries to deem this a “private matter”. Is shouted down by public, stampeding backbench TDs and grassroots members.

3. Organisation admits truth. Suggests that no one in organisation can explain how salary came about. Suggestion that it was made by someone conveniently dead is a popular favourite.

4. Basic investigative techniques like inquiring from the bank who authorised the payments, and working backwards, are deemed “inappropriate”, which is one of the great Irish words.

5. The public get cranky over the idea that anyone can earn over €100k, on the basis that “if you pay peanuts you get monkeys rule” obviously does not apply in Ireland. (See Irish financial regulation, 1997-2011)

6. The story goes around and round in circles with the actual answer, who authorised this, never emerging. Public hearings seem to involve more windy grandstanding than actual specific questions.

7. Someone resigns on a Lotto style severance package.

8. The phrase “for legal reasons” (the other great Irish phrase) is bandied about to blur the situation. In a shock outcome, Learned Colleagues make a nice little earner on whole affair.

9. The organisation promises a new “robust” structure for salary/remuneration.

10. Rinse and repeat.

An Occasional Guide to Irish Politics: The Scandal.

A regular re-post, originally written in 2009…

Given the moral failings of the Irish as a race, it is hardly surprising that there is a clear and tested timeline to every scandal which besets Irish society, whether it is moral, political, social or financial. The timeline is as such:

1. Issue emerges. Country particularly mortified at how the British media cover it.

2. Public gasps at details. Sunday papers revel in particularly gory details. Fintan O’Toole writes a pithy piece which explains the cogent details very succinctly, and then drizzles it in extra-virgin head shaking like a nice salad.

3. Opposition call for unspecified action (“Something must be done! We need action!”) or specific action outside the power of the government. (“Bishops must resign! The effect on water of gravity must be reversed!”)

4. Government shakes heads, and promises that said event (Clerical child abuse/flooding/banking corruption/asteroid crashing into the Earth) must never be permitted to happen again, and calls for commission to investigate report of commission which investigated incident.

5. Media, political establishment, voters, realising that they actually play golf/went to school/are second cousin of individuals named in report, start calling for “due process” to be observed, and instead focus on details of events as if they were some abstract natural disaster.

6. The lawyers get involved. People’s right to “their good name”, passing of time, death of witnesses, gums up process of pursuit of actual criminals, drags investigations, trials, etc, in and out of high court for years.

7. Government takes money off people who did not commit these crimes (Taxes), and gives it to victims. The perpetrators contribution is eaten up in legal fees.

8. Some public officials take early retirement, on full pension. Which is pretty much the equivalent of a modest win in the National Lottery. Nobody goes to jail, except maybe a journalist who reveals how this thing is panning out, and is done for contempt of court.

9. In general election, Irish people vote for same people who allowed scandal to occur, on basis that although he/she failed to act to prevent sexual assault of children/building houses underwater, etc, he/she was always “very good for the area.”

10. In 10 years, another commission reports on poor handling of this scandal. Reset to step 1.

Star Trek Picard: Aftermath.

President Chekov liked working on paper. Well, paper substitute, as they hardly ever manufactured paper by the old methods these days. The report on his desk had been replicated, and when he had finished reading it, his staff would scan any notes he had written on it with his father’s pen, and it would then be recycled. But it looked and felt like paper. His non-human advisors joked at the human love of paper, and the fact that humans still insisted that treaties be formally printed and signed, but even they get a frisson when they viewed the original Coalition of Planets declaration on view in the Pompidou Centre. Jonathan Archer himself once signed that.

The report was slim, the way he liked his reports. Straight facts, short sentences, clear conclusions. Another thing the staff knew to generate. This particular report was very stark. 6124 Starfleet officers had died on Frontier Day. Sol Station had permanently damaged or destroyed 37 ships, including the flagship.

The long-term psychological effects on Starfleet’s young officers continues to be felt, with just over 25% of them resigning or needing intense counselling, as all remember their actions vividly. Starfleet medical noted that whilst it would be possible to wipe the memories of those hours, it was a drastic move, and they couldn’t guarantee it would stay. The last thing you needed was Starfleet officers suddenly having flashbacks to themselves murdering their crewmates. The Troi report had been adamant about that: our young would have to be helped work through their pain.

The Troi report. He chuckled to himself. His dad would have been so proud that it had been the Enterprise that had turned the tide. What was it about that ship, the myth that hung about it? Names mean so much, and Enterprise keeps saving the Federation.

Even the aftermath had Enterprise’s crew taking such a role. Hardly surprising given how many senior officers died, but still. Picard as acting CinC until Janeway recovered from her injuries, Crusher at Medical, Tuvok (who had served under Sulu) at Starfleet Academy, LaForge and Data leading the rebuilding of Sol Station, although he had insisted at the rededication of the station that his assistant, Chief O’Brien, a retired engineer from Dublin (yet another ex-Enterprise crew), had done most of the work. Worf taking over at Section 31.

Section 31. He leaned back in his seat. Like so many in Starfleet and the Council, he was ambivalent about the organisation. Its mere existence was a stain on the ideals of the Federation, and yet in an age of the Tal Shiar and Obsidian Order every president faced the same choice, and concluded the same. To keep the Federation flag flying we needed the men in the shadows.

Not anymore, Chekov concluded. They had failed. They failed to detect Commodore Oh, an actual Romulan as head of Starfleet Intelligence. They failed to detect the first changeling invasion, nor this one. Well, correction, Ambassador Worf and Commander Mussiker had detected it, but their superiors had been compromised. Enough. He was going to bring Section 31 under the Council, and formally appoint Worf and Mussiker as director and deputy director and let them clean house. Picard had insisted that those Starfleet and Federation officials who had tortured the changelings be prosecuted, Chekov agreed. Their trial started in a month.

He found his own thoughts drifting back to the day. The horror as his many of his own bodyguards turned against him. The running battle to get to the bunker. The moment he suddenly remembered the very first thing they had told him when he had been elected by the Council, tapping his Federation lapel badge and the six Emergency Presidential Security Detail Holograms suddenly appearing and whisking him to safety in a hail of phaser fire. It was funny how little things stuck in his brain: how the EPSD all looked like Zimmermann but had the most beautiful thick lustrous hair. But boy had he programmed them well. As a cinema buff one of his favourite movies was the old 20th century classic “Heat”, with its spectacular gun battle scene as bank robbers with automatic weapons systematically fought their way up a street against superior forces. That had been what it had been like, his bodyguards, older ones and the holograms, had cut their way through the enemy (it pained him to think that) with those new phaser assault carbines. Outside he could see French police engaged in furious gun-battles with Borg Starfleet.

He remembered his transmission, when it looked like all was lost. And then the news that the Enterprise D was engaging the Borg over Jupiter. The D? Surely some mistake? Sol Station was holding out. And the Titan, whom Starfleet Command had informed him a day previously had been hijacked by possible changeling infiltrators, was engaging in a battle with the fleet. The Titan?

And then suddenly, it ended. The signal stopped, the assimilation ended as quickly as it started. He remembered his tense call to the Klingon Chancellor who was assembling a fleet to attack, and honestly wanted to know how could he tell if Chekov himself was not a changeling? Chekov agreed to a Klingon fleet coming immediately to Earth to see what was happening form themselves. Worf had helped with that too: the House of Martok was not without allies.

The raid by Starfleet special forces on the installation where the changelings had kept their prisoners. The fact that the Dominion very quietly (again through Worf!) assisted us was kept very quiet.

It had seemed churlish, the idea of a celebration. So many had died, a memorial had to be built to their memory. And yet as the days passed there was a growing demand on Earth for heroes too. The sight of the Enterprise D doing a barrel roll as it thundered down the Champs Elysee is not one Chekov would forget. And Captain Seven, of course. She was already famous as the ex-Borg drone but now, as the ex-Borg drone that had fought the invasion, those in Starfleet Command who had expressed misgivings (and were still alive) had the good sense to keep their mouths shut now, given that Starfleet was now made up of 40% ex-Borg.

The report also pointed out that it had been Starfleet’s Human Resources policy of keeping older families on Sol Station that had allowed the attempted takeover be repelled and the station hold out for so long. Indeed, the crew of Sol Station will be honoured separately, as no one had expected the station to hold out as long as it did. It later emerged that Sol’s defence upgrades had been installed by the former chief of Deep Space Nine (and the Enterprise), that same Irish engineer who helped Laforge rebuild the station. Apparently the Irish government are renaming Dublin Spaceport after him.

He closed the report, and opened the following file, and smiled at the heading. It was an unusual request, especially given the role the ship had played. But he’d consulted with the crew personally, and all saw it as an honour. Another glimpse at the picture of his father on his desk.

He signed it without hesitation: the Federation needed an Enterprise. Names mean everything.

AutoTaoiseach!

Wrote this about 7 years ago, before the 2011 election. A bit of fun about Irish politics. Best enjoyed sitting down with cup of tea and chocolate digestive. 

*****

The negotiations had taken six months, not including the two months of disbelief from the Irish government side at the initial proposal from the Omni-Ai Corporation of Massachusetts. Ten billion Euro. Not dollars, Euro. Five billion up front, and five billion after two years, on the basis that the Irish state complete its contract.

Initially, the Taoiseach said no. The Attorney General had pointed out the constitutional ramifications, and the fact that a referendum would be required, and he doubted the Irish people could be coaxed into voting yes. Yet  five billion in these times of fiscal hardship was a lot of money, and would solve a lot of problems, and stop a lot of people marching on the streets. And when the Taoiseach read the papers supplied by Omni-Ai, it was hard to say that there wouldn’t be a benefit to Ireland, even aside from the cash. There’d be safeguards, of course, and if anything went wrong the country could keep the money, so…

The leaders of the opposition were indignant with outrage, as only Irish opposition leaders can be, but the Taoiseach and his cabinet still saw the benefits, and so the Taoiseach addressed the nation.

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What if…NATO invaded Ireland?

Here’s an awkward reality. Whatever your attitude to neutrality, it’s fair to say that the chances of Russian or Chinese boots on the ground in Ireland is pretty slim. Air incursions yes. Getting bombed? Maybe. Naval meddling with infrastructure in our sovereign seas? Almost certainly happening already.

But actual physical invasion? Very very unlikely. Geography is our greatest weapon in the same way it was the UK’s in May 1940.

Except for NATO forces. The likelihood of NATO forces engaging in an offensive landing here is actually higher.

Consider the following scenario.

The Russians have launched an invasion of Finland and the Baltics. The Third World War has begun, and the United States is mobilising large quantities of personnel and equipment by both air and sea across the Atlantic to bolster its European allies. Ireland declares its neutrality and calls for the United Nations to something something something.

Those reinforcements come under immediate attack from Russian planes and submarines in a new battle of the Atlantic, and NATO commanders announce that the use of the airports of Shannon and Knock are deemed vital to the defence of Europe. The US president speaks directly to the Taoiseach requesting permission to use the airports. It is not the usual fluffy conversation between an Irish leader and an American leader, full of bromides and winks.

The Taoiseach is asked bluntly: will she openly permit, within hours, NATO use of the airports. NATO commits as part of the arrangement to deploy US aircraft to defend Ireland from the definite Russian retaliation.

An emergency vote in the Dail fails.

Within hours, US forces are landing in large numbers in both airports, having been secured by rapidly deployed special forces seizing control of the airport towers. Due to the lack of military radar, the first the Irish government knows of the attack is clips on Twitter and TikTok of US troops on Irish soil.

The Irish army is deployed a day later, with clear instructions not to engage US troops, and leaving a wide zone around both facilities. The US general in command invites his Irish counterpart to a hearty breakfast in Shannon to agree rules of engagement and ensure there are no misunderstandings. The Irish government also agrees that the occupying forces can source food and other products from local suppliers. The US agrees to pay all Shannon and Knock employees to stay at home.

Large numbers of left wing protestors turn up, and are warned by Irish security forces that once they cross into the “control zone” they cannot be protected, and US forces may use deadly force against them. They protest the US invasion, and charge the perimeter, but are repelled by non-lethal microwave weapons which cause great discomfort. Solicitors letters fly towards the US military like HIMARS projectiles.

The Russian government condemns the Irish government for permitting the invasion under the cover of sham neutrality.

“Why did Ireland, one of the richest countries on Earth, not detect the incoming US planes with its military radar and shoot down the planes with its fighter planes? Why are Irish forces not fighting right now to liberate occupied territory from NATO forces? Why are the Irish not defending Irish neutrality? A mere 5000 US troops are occupying a country of 5 million people? Well, Russia will strike in defence of Irish neutrality if the puppet government in Dublin will not.” The Russian ambassador declares.

A number of Russian bombers attack Ireland, with a large number shot down by US and RAF fighters, but with bombs landing in both Shannon and Knock, killing 50 people, both US and Irish.

Two Irish MEPs support the Russian “liberation”.

As hostilities draw to a close in Europe following the Russian defeat and withdrawal, the US announces that NATO forces will withdraw from Ireland shortly, and that the US will fund repairs to both airports.

Local suppliers and politicians call on the Dublin government to lobby Washington to prevent withdrawal, as local businesses have become used to the US military spend.

Continuing the great Irish tradition of elected Irish politicians passionately discussing areas outside their actual area of direct responsibility, Clare County Council passes a motion for Clare to join NATO. Dublin City Council writes to Cuba seeking Cuban forces to intervene.

Holding all the cards: the post-border poll Ireland/UK negotiations

Who Lives at 10 Downing Street? - WorldAtlasThe near future. Three weeks ago, Northern Ireland voted narrowly to join the republic. Today the negotiations begin…

Ireland: I’m sorry?

UK: The Northern Ireland share of the UK national debt. We’ve calculated it at…

Ireland: we’re not paying for that. We didn’t run that up.

UK: But we built roads, schools, the NHS…

Ireland: not our problem.

UK: I see. OK. Well, we were going to give a deduction for plant depreciation, etc, but we’ll just take it, and write it off against the debt.

Ireland: Plant?

UK: Yes. Ambulances, MRI machines, some of those special hospital beds are pricey. PSNI vehicles, fire brigade vehicles, air traffic control systems, computers, obviously the software systems…

Ireland: You’re taking all the equipment?

UK: As you said, it’s our debt. We paid for it all. Fortunately it’s all NHS England compatible. The rest we can sell on the open market. Now, the pension liability. We’re happy to deduct National Insurance contributions…

Ireland: Pensions? That’s your responsibility.

UK: Yes, we’ll deduct all the NI payments UK citizens in Northern Ireland paid in from the overall liability. It’s only fair.

Ireland: No, the UK will have to pay the total existing liability.

UK: No. 

Ireland: I’m sorry, but this is not up for negotiation.

UK: We are not paying Northern Ireland’s total pension liability.

Ireland: We’ll take you to court. 

UK: Sure. But that’ll take years. Your pensioners will want their pensions next week.

Ireland: They’re your pensioners!

UK: As of three weeks ago, they’re your pensioners. And by the way, how are you going to pay them?

Ireland: With the software, of course.

UK: What software?

Ireland: Very clever. You’ll abandon loyalist and unionist pensioners?

UK: No. the rich ones will move to England. The poor ones won’t be able to afford to. You can keep them. I’m sure the Garda Siochana can handle them when they kick off demanding their pensions. On the streets of your East Belfast. Unless you want to reopen the national debt question, of course…