RESPECT YOUR BETTERS!

Sinn Fein/The British Conservative and Union Party (delete as appropriate) have defended the rights of people descended from famous ancestors to be given special treatment above that of ordinary citizens not sharing a famous bloodline.

A spokesperson for the party said: “We are calling on people from these good families, who are entitled to this special treatment due to the superior blood in their veins, to be consulted on things like commemoration of national historical events/national legislation (delete as appropriate). It is only right that people whose key achievement in this regard is to have been born be sought out and asked their opinions with regard to these national matters. They should be given reserved seats on committees/in the House of Lords (delete as appropriate). I mean, it’s not like we want to copy those filthy republican practices of say, France, where all citizens are regarded as equal. This is a country where people must learn to respect their blood betters and know their place.”