Rick Perry: I will put one nation first.

Texas governor Rick Perry has upped the ante in the race for the Republican presidential nomination by pledging that if he is elected president of the United States he will sponsor a constitutional amendment to require, by law, that Israel can nominate the US secretary of state. “Let Israel know that it will have no truer more loyal friend in the White House.”

Already, governor Perry has been attacked by Representative Michele Bachmann for not showing enough commitment to the middle eastern state. The congresswoman told a meeting: “Rick Perry is only a fair weather friend of Israel, unlike me. Not only have I already applied for Israeli citizenship, but I intend to introduce a bill to ensure that only citizens of Israel can hold the office of president of the United States. That’s what a real friend of Israel does.”

Former Alaska governor Sarah Palin issued an apology this morning for suggesting that she might put the interests of the United States ahead of those of Israel. “I’m sorry for making that remark, because it was a dumb remark. The interests of the US and Israel are the exact same. How could they not be? After all, they’re both decided in the same building in Tel Aviv.”

Former house speaker Newt Gingrich, on hearing the news, told the assembled media to wait a few moments before he showed his commitment to Jewish voters, and disappeared into the bathroom with a packet of razor blades.