Despite numerous polls to the contrary, the proposal to adopt the Alternative Vote was narrowly carried in Britain today after it emerged that No voters, convinced that the preferential voting system that involves being able to count was too complex, failed to successfully negotiate their entry into the polling stations to cast their ballots. The No campaign was quick to condemn the result, and demanded a second referendum.

“It’s a disgrace” a spokesperson for No2AV said, “Ordinary voters have been deliberately bamboozled by having fiendishly complex so-called “handles” to operate to gain access into the polling stations. How can ordinary working people be expected to understand that if a sign on a door says “Pull” that they shouldn’t push the door? In fact, what is the government doing spending taxpayers hard earned money on fancy luxuries like polling station doors when it could be spending the money on flak jackets for our brave boys in Afghanistan? I blame Nick Clegg”.